i had a dream this morning, that i'm not completely sure was a dream.

i was walking along in a town square, in a place filled with trees and old houses. i'm not sure where i was going. i heard someone call my name and i turned around, and there they were. my grandmother was wearing a dress i recognized, it was blue and white striped with her hair in a bun. my papoo was wearing those same tan pants he always wore, with that same tan shirt with a plaid pattern. he was wearing the mossicans he used to wear for house shoes. he was not limping, or hobbling the way he used to, he was walking straight.

i remember saying, "what are you doing!!" my papoo said, "i thought we'd just come see ya for a minute. let's go sit down in here and have a bite." i grabbed onto each of their hands and walked into a dimly lit cafe, full of old people. we sat down at a table, i sat in the middle. on the right side of me was my papoo and at the table next to him was my mother's parents. they never said a word but they were looking over at me.

i asked papoo if they were back, and he said no, that he just wanted to come and tell me some things. papoo began by telling me that they were so proud of me, and of matthew.he said they were there when matthew and i got married.he said that the knows that i think of them all of the time, and he wants me to know that they are alright. he said he was coming to me now because this was the time that i was open, or something to that effect. he said he knows i worry, he knows that i cry over them alot and i just have to stop that. i have to let them go. he said that he knows that matthew will be leaving soon, and that i hold in alot of my sadness around matthew. he said that before matthew leaves, i have to let them go. i have to accept that they're gone and they're never coming back. granny didn't say much, but she did say, "everyone is here jessie, and i'm alright. we're both alright now." papoo said that they are watching over me, and that if they both had made it, he would of moved to san angelo to be with me.

he also mentioned that he has been trying to communicate with matthew but has been unable to do so. he said, "you tell that kid that he needs to listen to you, not just hear you." he said he would keep trying to communicate with matthew. he said that they both really liked matthew and wished they could both be here with us. 

"we've got to go now jessie dear, but we love you so much honey. we're there with you. we're alright" papoo said. i grabbed him and held him tight, and said, "please don't go yet," then it seemed they were both talking at once, sort of mantra-like saying, "it's alright, we're alright."

and then i woke up.

i'm very aware what dreams are. they sort of manifest themselves in your subconscious.my dreams are often really bizarre. they change scene and direction quite rapidly and are never really about any one thing. this one was really different, and seemed to go on for a really long time. i feel that they said more, but i can't remember it all now. no matter if it was only my subconscious or if it was really a message from them, it makes me feel good. i feel a weight has been lifted from my heart.

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