August 4th would have been my Granny's 83rd birthday. I still haven't talked to my aunt. She's called a few times, but I just can't talk to her. I can't understand her incoherent alcohol infused words. I'm so angry with her I just can't deal with her still. I suppose in reality I have all that I need from my grandma's house. I have a few pictures and the doll Papoo and I got her for christmas the last year he was alive. I wish they were still here. I know that sounds repetitive, but it's not any less true than it was a year ago. I close my eyes sometimes and I can hear her voice.

My beloved Papoo would be 82 today. While things are moving along and I am feeling more at peace lately, I can't help but wonder how things would be today if he was still with us. If he and grandma were here, she and I would be baking a cake today for him. We would go out to eat, and sing him happy birthday. We would shower him with all kinds of gifts and gadgets that he didn't need. I would have given him a few new shirts that he would likely never wear.

i had a dream this morning, that i'm not completely sure was a dream.

i didn't realize it until earlier that today has been exactly 5 months since my granny passed away. i thought about her alot today. it's getting a tiny bit easier to do so. i miss her so much, and wish she was here to help me with things. i miss you granny. "i mean to tell ye"

I originally posted this in my Myspace blog, but I feel that it really belongs here.

Why can't I stop thinking about wonderful
summers of my childhood where I wandered among the weeds and insects of
East Texas? I am 25 years old now. Ten years ago at this time, I was
walking the lonely roads of a small country town flirting with boys
shamelessly.  Running barefoot in the front yard
with my grandmother, playing baseball with her while my grandfather
watched us from the porch, or throwing a tennis ball on the roof and

I had a dream a few nights ago that I thought was pretty cool.

My Pappy said,

"Come sit down my Jessie Dear and listen to me close,
One of these nights soon, it will be my time to go.
Now Jessie, don't you go to cryin'
It's something we all must do
It will be your time one night
And I will be waiting for you.
We will see each other again
And re-live our most glorious days
Until that day comes my dear
Hear me when I say
I love you my Jessie Dear
And now baby don't you cry
You be strong for me now
Your Papoo will be alright.

No matter what the future holds
Papoo dear will always be close
I will watch over you from above