Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Are we out of the woods yet?

Nope. We're not. Or I'm not.

Just when I think I'm over it oh shit I'm not. Oh shit JK bitch you're not over shit. I don't know if drinking makes it better or worse, I guess it depends on the day. I dunno.

I feel myself feeling better, yolo'ing all over the world and then I come crashing down and I'm crying and not sleeping and wishing to be home. Mostly I'm wishing that this whole thing never happened and that I was smarter and more emotionally stable. I hate days like this when I've only slept for 3 hours and then I come to work with tears in my eyes. GET A GRIP BRO. THINGS AREN'T THAT BAD. That's me yelling at myself. I throw myself pity parties about how stupid and fat and ugly and selfish I am and I try to talk myself out of that mindset but I backslide. Cus I really am the worst. Just ask anyone, especially ask strangers on the internet, they for real know what's up.

I put him in a box, (get him out of the boooox) the same box my grandparents go in. People that I love so much that I can't even think about them. Except that he's not dead and when he pops up he makes me wish I was. Or that I could go back in time and stop myself from talking to him, even though having him was the best time of my life, being without him has been the worst time of my life. THE WORST. Can we be friends? ugh. Am I going to have to hear about him moving on? Christ kill me now. But I still hang on, who the fuck knows why. Cus I'm dumb.

And now here I am at work with tears streaming down my stupid face. pretty good look. Keep crying your make up off, that helps everything. You look super attractive right now.

So. Nope. Not out of the woods yet.