Friday, February 7, 2014

Dogs and other ramblings.

Well well well look who's here. ME. I figured it was about time to sweep the cobwebs out of here and maybe write something. A lot has happened but I'm not sure how to write about it. I will say, since the last time I was here someone new came into my life.

If you've been around my planet the last year or so you know about Willow. She's a tiny mixed breed something or other. Lindsay needed a friend and needed to calm her ass down every once in a while and Willow really fit the bill. They play, they fight, they sleep together and mostly they warm my heart and make my life so much better.

Yes I'm in love with my dogs. I know. These last few months have been quite the journey and I'm so grateful to have them. As long as they're with me I'll never be alone. They keep me busy and we play and walk and bark at strangers. (They do I don't. Well sometimes I do.)

I wasn't sure if I was going to keep this blog or not. I never use it, but I do like to go back and read things from time to time. I never figured out what the purpose of this thing was, write about clothes or make up? Write about my dumb life? Maybe a little of each? I'm scatterbrained so that's sort of what it's turned into.

At this point I'm sort of up in the air. I'm in San Angelo but this isn't my home, it really never has been because I assumed I would only be here temporarily. The only thing keeping me here now is my job, which I like and am good at. However, I don't really have a social group here, plus the town it just *sigh* I don't know. I don't know how to say it. It's very Texan. And you think "Well you're Texan what's the problem?" The problem is this. Yes I'm Texan but I am not big blonde hair, rhinestone flip flops, bless your heart, sequins during the day kind. I've always felt a little bit on the outside. Even in high school I felt like I was on the fray because I kind of did my own thing. I'm a little bit different. At any rate, I'm looking to get out of here and get into a place I can call home. Back to Lubbock? Maybe. Austin? Sure why not. But my heart really belongs on the east coast and I'll tell you why.

Internet friendships are a weird thing. Not bad weird. But definitely weird. People you never would have met before from different backgrounds and different places come into your life. You feel a real connection and you realize, if not for the thing that brought you together you never ever would have met this person from across the country. I say that to say this, when Cosmo Con happened the first time and I went to New York city, never in my life have I ever felt so at ease. So at peace with being me, and so happy to be somewhere different. Not only that but to be with people who knew me from countless hours on the phone and chatting and emails. People I genuinely loved who loved me. Sure there were people I didn't love and people who didn't love me but that's another story for another day. haha.

This year when I took the trip to Philadelphia I felt really reinvigorated. This isn't just about being in a new place, I lived in Michigan for years and felt miserable. I've been to Corpus, Austin, Dallas, Houston, St. Louis and Chicago (a hotel but still Chicago) and never felt the way I felt on the east coast. I think that's where I want to go. Well I know it's where I want to go. Basically I just want to be the happiest me I can be and why not experience new places and people while I'm still young enough to do so?

If not for my online friendships with some of the greatest people I've ever had the pleasure to meet, there's no way I'd ever know what I was missing. The bonds built there and the connection I feel to these people is so strong and greater than most relationships I've ever had. Of course I have friends in real life who I love very much and I certainly wouldn't be who I am without them either. The long distance friendships have opened my eyes to so many new experiences, things I never would have known without them.

Lubbock is and will always be my home. I love it and I miss it so much. I read Lubbock news online, I follow everything I can that connects me to my hometown and sometimes miss it so much I can't think of anything else but getting back there. Plus my folks are there and who doesn't love my folks? They really are a hoot and a half. But I've been gone from Lubbock for nearly 7 years now, it's not the same and I'm not the same.

Who knows what the future holds for me, I certainly don't. But I do know I need to get the hell out of of San Angelo. :)

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