Thursday, April 30, 2015


I have been listening to all of the music lately. I'm finally able to do that again, for a while there I only listened to podcasts to fill the silences. I could NOT handle music at all, not anything at all ever. But now I can. I feel shit way too deep bro. It's the worst. I've been listenin' to a ton of Miranda Lambert (gasp! I know). She's from Texas and is twangy the way I like so it's ok even though she's "new country" which I find mostly soulless and stupid. Thanks to Hannah I've been listening to the Dixie Chicks Pandora station too, which is also pretty kick ass. If you like that kind of thing. One of the jams I came across is "Love Your Memory" by Miranda Lambert, and I probably have listened to it 250,000 times in the last week.

"I don't wanna see you or feel you.
I don't wanna look into your eyes.
I don't wanna touch you or miss you.
I just wanna love your memory tonight"'

When I miss him, I pour myself a drink (or all of them) get in bed with his flannel shirt on that I still have and just remember the good parts. Romanticizing things is something I do. I always remember the good parts. And then I hear songs and I'm like UGHHHH FEELINGS. Feelings are the worst. What's strange is that some would say I am emotional (LOL) ok overly emotional. I've been called a crybaby for as long as I can remember. Anytime I feel feelings, tears form in my eyeballs. I'm happy? I'm crying. I'm nervous? Crying. Whatever, you have flaws too. Get out of my face. Lately these eyeballs have been dusty as hell. I feel things but the tears don't fall. Especially when I hear these songs specifically and feel super sad but I don't cry.

"I'd sure hate to break down here,
Nothin' up ahead or in the rearview mirror.
Out in the middle of nowhere knowin'
I'm in trouble if these wheels stop rollin'
God help me keep me movin' somehow.
Don't let me start wishin' I was with him now.
I've made it this far without cryin' a single tear.
I'd sure hate to break down here".

"You said I was all you'd ever need.
Love is blind and little did I know
You were just another dead end road
Paved with pretty lies and broken dreams"

"Baby leavin' you was easier than bein' gone
I don't know what I'll do if one more thing goes wrong"

The above is another random jam I came across by some broad named Julie Roberts, called "Break Down Here". It's a big huge metaphor about feelings and car troubles. I relate to it mostly because I don't want to break down here, in Pennsylvania away from everything and everyone. I'm not totally away from everyone, my friends are here, some of the best friends I've ever had in this life. I don't wanna be vulnerable out here though away from my family amidst all these strangers. I don't know if you know this about me but I have a reputation of being sort of a hard ass, or so I'm told. I've made it this far without cryin' a single tear. I always feel like I have to keep the wheels moving somehow, not taking it one day at a time but taking it 10 seconds at a time. How long as it been since something has reminded me of him? How long has it been since he's crossed my mind? Ok 20 minutes? wow that's pretty good. A whole day? Fuck I'm basically over his ass now. Then comes the reminder of words. "You're my best friend. It's just me and you, me and you against the world". Or I see someone wearing a tshirt advertising his favorite beer. Or I see his stupid exit to his stupid town. God help me keep me movin' somehow.

"Go and fix your makeup girl
It's just a break up
Run and hide your crazy and start acting like a lady
Keep it together even when you fall apart"

So heartbreak! It's a thing. Music is a thing. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't and sometimes I'm in my bathtub with a full glass of whiskey. Carebear cup. It happens.

"Love is like a dying ember and only memories remain" Willie forever.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015


Pretty much all I say now is YOLO. Cus YOLO. It fits. Every scenario. I'm 100 years late on YOLO but whatever shut up. You DO only live once allegedly, and if you don't, you don't remember the first time around unless you come across a gypsy or a mexican grandma or some shit.

I'm runnin' on two hours of sleep so bear (bare, beer?) with me. I don't know what you think about things but I feel like love is dumb and it doesn't happen all the time. Like happens, obsession happens, lust happens, narf happens. But love isn't a thing you just roll up on like every damn day. Unless you're in a boyband. Those guys love love and they set unrealistic expectations, they're worse than Disney movies for realsies. Anywho. If you LOVE  a mofo, like you can't eat, sleep. breathe, be without this person don't let them go. Unless you're really stupid. If you're really stupid, go ahead and let that bitch go and let him/her fly so they can find someone who will appreciate them while they're still pining over your stupid ass. You are so dumb. Or maybe don't do that, and you hold onto that motherfucker no matter what it takes. Shit isn't easy. Life isn't the best, it's not puppies and rainbows and ice cream. Sometimes it's shit on your shoe, or a needy bitch wanting some time with you because she loves you and that's just annoying as fuck isn't it? The worst. But the best. 

Just like, don't make yourself suffer because YOLO. Tomorrow isn't promised. Maybe a tornado will land on your head or a riot will start in your city and someone will set you on fire and then wouldn't that be the end of you and your ridiculousness? Love the people you love with all you've got. Don't sit at home drinking and wishing and hoping and narfing your life away. Love your lovers and friends. Spend time with them and tell them stuff. And who is gonna love your dumbass if not this person? Who is going to put up with your annoying habits and smelly apartment? And your moldy bathroom and dirty fridge? Someone out there loves you despite all your dumb things. YOLO you big huge idiot. 

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Heartbreaks and Bootyshakes

Hey how you doin?

Once upon a time, I had a blog and I only wrote it in it like once a year. So here it is, you're welcome.

I fell in love once, and then I was single and now here we all are. Just the worst. I listen to a lot of sad country music and spend a lot of time thinking about hanging myself from the rafters. Side note though, what are rafters? I don't even know but I imagine my big fat body swangin' from them and wonder if I'd be smart enough to get the right kind of rope. Don't call the hotline, I'm joking, mostly. Suicide is never the answer unless it is. Seriously I'm fine. WHAT ARE RAFTERS!?

But really, how CANNNN you mend a brokenheart? Can a girl get one of those memory eraser things? I use whiskey instead but the memories are still there. Whiskey River doesn't take my mind, Willie. Thanks for nothing bro. It's totally normal to just be laid out on the floor of your house mumbling to yourself about how this is just a phase and tomorrow will be better right? RIGHT? Again, kidding. It's not that extreme. It's a new world for me though, completely on my own, no roommate, no man, my folks hella far away. I'm just out here in the world, like what.

I moved to Philadelphia in case you didn't know. And if you didn't know that who are you? Are you a stranger all up in my blog? Stranger Danger! I need an adult.

Aside from the crippling heartbreak, I've made many delightful friends at my job, which is kind of the best. Let me break them down for you.

Made a friend name of Kat, I calls her Katty and she is probably the friendliest just genuinely nicest person of all time. She greets your ass with a smile no matter how she's feeling or what your gloomy ass is looking like. She's had to deal with me basically on a daily basis since I moved here a year ago. When I was questioning my life choices down in the pharmacy department she invited me to lunch and I've had a pal ever since. Always with a bag of popcorn or a poptart at the ready. That girl will dance and sing to literally anything, even with me being judgemental about caucasian music. She'll do it. She has red hair.

And then Nick, I call him Nicko because of course I do. This kid is funny. Like, just seeing his face makes me laugh, not because he's funny looking but because we have this thing. Well in my mind we have this thing, like we understand each other. Like maybe he's my brother, or my soul mate, one of those things. Who knows what it is but it's a thing. He's honest, and funny and really super talented. He's held my hand more than once with all of the crying and listened to me and ate food with me which is the most intimate. INTIMACY.

Met some chinamen (relax) name of Joy Joy and Moonpie. Moon's real name is Minh but who calls her that? Not me. These broads know how to get down. I'll never forget one particularly depressing day in the lunchroom (cafe whatever) when Joy got to flailing and said OMG OMG OMG I KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO. STRIP CLUB. It was all down hill from there. We went, we got molested, Joy drank and threw up and I have never laughed so hard. Moon and I are pretty much twins and inseparable. She's younger than me but definitely is more mature by like a lot. She's so tiny I just want to hold her in my arms for all times. Sometimes I feel like a giant ready to crush her village, but I love her. Her and Joy, my chinamen.

There are plenty more, but those are my main hoes at this time as far as new pals go. And dude, happy hour. Happy hour was never really a thing in my life before this job, and now it's a thing. It's not every week or even every month, but when we go we tear it all the way down. I heckle when the guitar guy doesn't know Willie Nelson jams and then he plays Florida Georgia Line or something equally as terrible. Who is Luke Bryan? No idea. Also remember when Blake Shelton had a mullet? OF COURSE YOU DONT. That's when he was good. Don't get me going on this. Annnyyyway. Everyone goes to happy hour and I have one beer and then several vodkas and dance. It's pretty fun, you should come sometime. Unless I don't like you then you're uninvited, don't show your face and ruin my good time.

In the midst of the heartbreak and my birthday, my new friends took me out on the town. We danced and drank and laughed until my face hurt which is really the best. I feel like I've gotten funnier, and I give less fucks now than I did before, pretty great. Aside from the new friends, my seasoned (not old) friends are keeping me together as well. I spend a lot of time running around the planet, mostly for food and shopping.

Soooo that's kinda it in a nutshell. You're welcome, again.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Dogs and other ramblings.

Well well well look who's here. ME. I figured it was about time to sweep the cobwebs out of here and maybe write something. A lot has happened but I'm not sure how to write about it. I will say, since the last time I was here someone new came into my life.

If you've been around my planet the last year or so you know about Willow. She's a tiny mixed breed something or other. Lindsay needed a friend and needed to calm her ass down every once in a while and Willow really fit the bill. They play, they fight, they sleep together and mostly they warm my heart and make my life so much better.

Yes I'm in love with my dogs. I know. These last few months have been quite the journey and I'm so grateful to have them. As long as they're with me I'll never be alone. They keep me busy and we play and walk and bark at strangers. (They do I don't. Well sometimes I do.)

I wasn't sure if I was going to keep this blog or not. I never use it, but I do like to go back and read things from time to time. I never figured out what the purpose of this thing was, write about clothes or make up? Write about my dumb life? Maybe a little of each? I'm scatterbrained so that's sort of what it's turned into.

At this point I'm sort of up in the air. I'm in San Angelo but this isn't my home, it really never has been because I assumed I would only be here temporarily. The only thing keeping me here now is my job, which I like and am good at. However, I don't really have a social group here, plus the town it just *sigh* I don't know. I don't know how to say it. It's very Texan. And you think "Well you're Texan what's the problem?" The problem is this. Yes I'm Texan but I am not big blonde hair, rhinestone flip flops, bless your heart, sequins during the day kind. I've always felt a little bit on the outside. Even in high school I felt like I was on the fray because I kind of did my own thing. I'm a little bit different. At any rate, I'm looking to get out of here and get into a place I can call home. Back to Lubbock? Maybe. Austin? Sure why not. But my heart really belongs on the east coast and I'll tell you why.

Internet friendships are a weird thing. Not bad weird. But definitely weird. People you never would have met before from different backgrounds and different places come into your life. You feel a real connection and you realize, if not for the thing that brought you together you never ever would have met this person from across the country. I say that to say this, when Cosmo Con happened the first time and I went to New York city, never in my life have I ever felt so at ease. So at peace with being me, and so happy to be somewhere different. Not only that but to be with people who knew me from countless hours on the phone and chatting and emails. People I genuinely loved who loved me. Sure there were people I didn't love and people who didn't love me but that's another story for another day. haha.

This year when I took the trip to Philadelphia I felt really reinvigorated. This isn't just about being in a new place, I lived in Michigan for years and felt miserable. I've been to Corpus, Austin, Dallas, Houston, St. Louis and Chicago (a hotel but still Chicago) and never felt the way I felt on the east coast. I think that's where I want to go. Well I know it's where I want to go. Basically I just want to be the happiest me I can be and why not experience new places and people while I'm still young enough to do so?

If not for my online friendships with some of the greatest people I've ever had the pleasure to meet, there's no way I'd ever know what I was missing. The bonds built there and the connection I feel to these people is so strong and greater than most relationships I've ever had. Of course I have friends in real life who I love very much and I certainly wouldn't be who I am without them either. The long distance friendships have opened my eyes to so many new experiences, things I never would have known without them.

Lubbock is and will always be my home. I love it and I miss it so much. I read Lubbock news online, I follow everything I can that connects me to my hometown and sometimes miss it so much I can't think of anything else but getting back there. Plus my folks are there and who doesn't love my folks? They really are a hoot and a half. But I've been gone from Lubbock for nearly 7 years now, it's not the same and I'm not the same.

Who knows what the future holds for me, I certainly don't. But I do know I need to get the hell out of of San Angelo. :)

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Buffalo Chicken Mac & Cheese


I got to thinking about S'Mac in NYC yesterday and their tasty buffalo chicken macaroni and cheese.

Then I got to thinking about NYC which led to me thinking about my friends who I miss so much and I got sad. When I get sad, I need comfort food, which caused me to crave macaroni and cheese. IT'S A VICIOUS CYCLE.

Look at me trying to be in the picture. 

While "working" yesterday I googled around to see if I could find a lightened version of a buffalo chicken macaroni recipe but I couldn't find any that really struck me. Others seemed to be too complicated. So I merged two recipes into one, because I'm really innovative and smart.

As a lot of you know, skinnytaste is a jam. The recipes are delightful and delicious and very easy. The basic recipe is here. I also used some elements from this recipe.

12 oz elbow macaroni
3 tbsp fake butter or the real thing
1/4 cup flour
1/4 cup minced onion
2 cups of skim milk
1 cup of fat free chicken broth
8 oz reduced fat sharp cheddar
handful of extra cheddar for topping
4 ounces of blue cheese
1/2 cup franks hot sauce (more or less depending on your taste)
12 ounces of cooked chicken cut into pieces
salt and pepper
garlic powder
1/2 cup of seasoned bread crumbs (or however much you want)
cooking spray

Cook pasta according to the package directions, preheat oven to 375.

In a large heavy bottomed skillet (I used cast iron just for ease but do whatever floats your boat) melt butter on medium heat, add onions and cook about 2 minutes. Whisk in flour until dissolved, add milk and chicken broth turn up to medium high until it begins to bubble and becomes thick and there are no lumps. (be patient) Season with salt and pepper and a pinch or two of garlic salt.

Once your sauce is thick, remove from heat and add the cheddar cheese and stir until it's completely melted. Slowly add the frank's sauce tasting as you go. Adjust salt, pepper and garlic powder if you need to. taste! taste! taste! Once you've reached your desired heat stir in the chicken and macaroni. Now you can pour the mixture into a greased or sprayed baking dish or you can leave it all in your cast iron skillet, I opted for this since it's less clean up. Sprinkle your handful of extra cheddar, sprinkle the blue cheese on and then top with seasoned bread crumbs and spray with cooking spray.

Bake for about 25 minutes and then broil (carefully) to toast your bread crumbs.

I actually used less noodles and as a result my finished product was more saucy but I'll follow the directions next time.

I wasn't smart or thinking ahead last night when I made this dish so I didn't take a picture of the finished product in the cast iron skillet, but I do have this for your viewing pleasure.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Brandie's Closet Part II

Hello pals.

Today I bring you more fashions from Brandie's closet.

Truth be told most days I look like this.
On the weekends I dress it up because that's when I have the time to do my hair and my make up and do the whole thing. So I end up looking like this.
I don't think you're ready for this jelly. I was all balls to the wall and didn't wear spanx at all with this outfit. I've officially given up on life. This beautiful sweater came from Brandie, but originally it's from Target! I wore it with my black leggings from Torrid and my Lane Bryant boots. I really wear them all the time.Someday I will buy new earrings but as you can see I'm a minimalist in the way that I wear the same accessories errrday. I'm a work in progress. Give me a break.
Also this may be my favorite shirt of all time. I used the flash so you could see the horsies. HORSIES. Also from Brandie's closet, this is originally from Torrid. I've been sleeping on Torrid lately but this shirt is my jambo. I am IN LOVE with the neckline.
And of course would this look be complete without skinneh jeans and my dumb boots? Nope. 

Brandie has AMAZING taste. I can't wait until she has to clean out her closet again and I get to pillage all of her things. FRIENDSHIP.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Brandie's Closet

What up. I suck at blogging, I know this. My sentence structure is bad, my grammar is even worse but ya know what? Proper grammar is for rich people, so suck it. I write the way I speak. If I can read this back and it sounds like I'm just talking to you on the phone, then mission accomplished. I go through these phases where I have plenty to say but don't feel like blogging, and then when I do feel like blogging I have so much to say I word vomit about a million different subjects at once. So, for all of our sake's I'm going to try to blog more often and keep my subjects down to one at a time.

Push it back here we go.

I have a friend named Brandie. She is a glorious nymph I met in Cosmo Radio Land and she quickly became one of my closest friends. She is a Wedding Planner and a sometimes tweeter @Brandie327. We love make up. We dance the dance of friendship on a daily basis, and have basked in our love in person!

Perks of this friendship are that B and I are close to the same size, so I finally have someone to swap clothing with. Brandie's style is out of control. I don't think she really considers herself fashionable or a clothes horse but she really is! She and I happened to be cleaning out our closets around the same time and sent each other items that we'd otherwise get rid of in other ways, but friends get first dibs. BOOM. Happy. From rich colored sweaters, to flowy chiffony tops, to one particular dress I actually cried over when I tried on, my haul from Brandie is THE BEST, even better than online shopping. I took some pics of my favorite sweater this morning, thus inspiring this post, YOU'RE WELCOME.

This is a sweater from Target. I LOVE the neckline and color.

I know my glasses are crooked, deal with it for now.
 I love this sweater with my dark skinneh jeans and over the knee boots from Lane Bryant.

Another favorite is this dress from Asos! How fucking cute is this? I mean seriously. Brandie wore the shit out of this dress at Cosmo Con and I am happy to have it. I can't wait to wear it. Maybe for my 30th birthday? I dunno. I won't wear this with the heels pictured but they're the only ones I own and I wanted to see how it would look with heels. So there we go. Look how happy I am! haha.

Get out there and talk to your friends, swap clothing and find a new style. I feel like Brandie and I have different styles because our body shapes are actually different, even though we are close to the same size. Some of the things she sent I wouldn't pick for myself off the shelf, but they look amazing on! 

I can't stress enough how much I love the things she sent. FRIENDSHIP!

This will be a two part post, because I have other outfits to take pictures of. This isn't a fashion blog so we'll all just have to deal with photos of me in my dirty mirror. 

Also, dumps like a truck, truck, truck. 
Thighs like what, what, what. 

Just wanted to post a picture of my butt and yes I wear those boots for nearly every outfit.